Michael Suarez
I’m not entirely sure when I fell in love with it, but I know for certain that I didn’t love The Family Stone the first time I saw it. I really liked it, though, and that was certainly something, because I remember not expecting much when I sat down to watch it on DVD months after the movie came out in theaters. It seemed harmless enough, a quirky comedy about a man bringing home a woman to meet his family on Christmas. Truth be told, as far as my interest went, I don’t think I ever even saw a full trailer.
I thought I knew what I was getting when I pressed play that first time. What I got was an ensemble comedy-drama with more heart than I knew what to do with at the time. I was probably 22 when I first saw The Family Stone. I hadn’t experienced enough. Now, as a 41-year-old, I can say without hesitation that this film is a great one, and it deals with loss in such a delicate way that I genuinely forget I’m watching an all-star cast, all of whom do exceptional work. It feels like I’m spending time with the Stone family.
This is definitely an ensemble movie. Yes, the throughline is about a man named Everett, who brings home a woman named Meredith, and yes, there are laughs and tears. More than that, though, this is a film that earns its title. The film is about the entire Stone family, and each year, I kind of marvel at how well everyone plays off one another, and more importantly, I completely buy that this family all loves one another.
There is so much empathy throughout the movie, including that dinner scene where Meredith digs herself deeper and deeper. It’s clear she’s saying the wrong things, but it’s clear that she doesn’t seem to mean it. She clearly is saying the wrong things. Whether it’s due to the way Everett’s family has treated her so far, her jealousy at how well they’ve treated her sister, Julie, or her social anxiety, the film never judges Meredith. We’re supposed to understand where she’s coming from, and even though she’s saying homophobic things, we know she cares. We know she’s messing up. But we also know where everyone else is coming from, too.
I’m with the family as they first try to steer the conversation in another direction, giving Meredith an out for her comments about Thad and Patrick’s soon-to-be child. She doesn’t mean it, so it makes sense to just move on, but she won’t move on. She does her best to try to get the right words out, and all it does is anger and hurt everyone. The film wants us to understand every single person at that dinner table, and it’s a remarkable feat, especially given that this is an all-star, holiday, studio movie.
This is important to note because there can certainly be a cynical way to look at The Family Stone. I believe this same story told through the lens of an indie feature would most likely earn the film more respect, but because we have so many famous faces, it invites extra scrutiny where there really shouldn’t be. The Family Stone is not a deep movie, but it can easily be misunderstood. I know because although I understood what the characters were going through when I first saw the film nearly two decades ago, I didn’t understand it personally. I do now.
First, though, let’s address what the film is on the surface. As I said, it’s about a man named Everett (played well enough by Dermot Mulroney) who brings home his girlfriend, Meredith (played delightfully by Sarah Jessica Parker), in the hopes of both introducing her to his family and also getting his mother’s ring so that he can propose to her. Because his family pretty much rejects her on the spot, seemingly because she’s either not the right fit or simply not good enough for Everett, her sister enters the picture, and as the movie goes on, well, things happen. Yes, Everett does a bad thing. He falls for Meredith’s sister, Julie (Claire Danes, who is just always good).
I’m not sure how I feel about Everett, because I’m not sure how I feel about stories involving characters who cheat on their significant others. To be fair, Everett doesn’t technically cheat, but the guy puts Meredith’s would-be engagement ring on Julie to, you know, try it on. Is it okay because he never actually loved Meredith? No. Of course not. Is it okay because Everett really just wanted to find someone so that he could have a wife and possibly start a family before his mother died? Absolutely not. Meredith was essentially used, and I’m not sure I forgive Everett by the movie’s closing.
That’s not really fair of me. After all, Julie falls for Everett, too, though she does her best to keep him at a distance. Then there’s Meredith herself, who falls for Everett’s brother, Ben (Luke Wilson, who has never been more charming). After a drunken Christmas Eve, she believes she even slept with him! And let’s not forget Ben, who falls for Meredith right away, charmed by her awkward personality. He’s one of the few in the Stone Family who treats her kindly and with respect, but he also bears some responsibility.
Whew. What a family, huh? But despite all of that, The Family Stone isn’t about romantic love. It’s about the familial kind. At the heart of the film, we have Sybil Stone, the matriarch of the Stone family, played to perfection by the late, great Diane Keaton. Her sickness has returned, and this will be her last Christmas. I admire writer-director Thomas Bezucha’s choice to keep this part of the film in the background, every now and then reaching into the forefront of the story, but never taking it over. Yet, it’s what the whole thing is about, isn’t it? It’s why Everett brought Meredith in the first place.
When we get to the final moments of the movie, I find myself choking back tears, because it feels so honest. In fact, so much of the film feels so honest, and this is where subjective experiences come into play. I happen to have good relationships with my immediate family, and loving families are not something I see a lot of in movies and television. When I do see it, more often than not, it’s presented as saccharine and cheesy. I don’t find that at all with The Family Stone.
Each character is their own, well-drawn person, and yet they clearly love one another. If the film is less about the romantic stories and more about the familial ones, then I’d say one of the main stories is about the Stone Family falling in love with Meredith and Julie. As such, part of the movie is the experience of what it’s like for a family to bring in new members.
It’s also a film that gives each member of the Stone family the time necessary to get to know each of them. This is both in the writing and the casting. Yes, there are very famous faces here, but there are also simply inspired casting choices, like Tyrone Giordano as Thad, a deaf actor who is treated like any other member of the family; Brian J. White as Patrick, Thad’s partner, who holds his own against everyone in such a confident and warm manner; and Elizabeth Reeser as Susannah Stone, mother of Elizabeth and pregnant during the majority of the film. Heck, Craig T. Nelson is one of my favorite fathers ever, and damn if he isn’t smart, sensitive, and strong, sometimes all at once. And don’t even get me started on Rachel McAdams’ Amy, who is just absolutely flawless in the film.
Christmas movies can get a bad rap, like anything having to do with the holiday, because the holiday is wrapped up with so much commercial nonsense. Yes, the film is from a studio and stars a bunch of good-looking, famous people. It doesn’t matter to me. What matters is what The Family Stone makes me feel every December. As I grow older, this feeling of the warmth that comes from watching a loving family welcome new members comes with some melancholy. Let’s talk about Sybil.
Diane Keaton left the world this past year, and it’s interesting to have that in mind when watching the film now. Sybil’s death, though off-screen, packs the final moments of The Family Stone with a heavy emotional punch, and I feel it more so now that the woman who played her is gone, too. I wonder how I’ll feel when my own mother passes. Selfishly, I want that to happen many, many years from now, to the point where I might not be able to watch this film anymore, but I’ll be okay with it.
I have no idea what it’s like to lose a parent, let alone a mother, but I can certainly empathize with it, because I love mine so much. When the time comes, it’s going to be rough, but I like to think she’s raised me well enough that I’ll be all right in the end. What could happen, though, if she got sick and her days were clearly numbered? Sure, I suppose all of our days are numbered, but there is something to the idea of being confronted with the inevitability of death that comes with being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Will I be like Everett, doing whatever it takes to do something special before my mom passes? Do I have it in me to hold onto my mother and silently let her know that it’s all going to be okay, the way Susannah does midway through the film? What will happen?
Sybil has a family who loves her, as my mother has one, too. At the end of The Family Stone, everyone has gathered for Christmas once again. Meredith is with Ben, and Everett is with Julie. Everyone seems happy, with even more new members of the family present, in the form of Susannah’s new child, Thad and Patrick’s child, and Amy’s love, Brad. It’s a happy ending for all intents and purposes, and yet Sybil is gone.
The Family Stone tells us that life goes on. In the moment, so many things seem important, and they are, but you know what? As cheesy as it sounds, family and love are the truly important things. I can’t say anything about how it is to spend the holidays alone, so forgive me for my conclusions. However, in my life, I’ve had a loving family. It’s never been perfect, but Christmastime has always managed to come close, even during the darker periods of my life. Every year for nearly two decades, I’ve spent Christmas with the Stone family, and it is my sincerest hope that I will spend another two decades or more with them.
