Tina Kakadelis
Nadine Crocker didn’t come to Hollywood with dreams of being a writer/director. Like so many before her, Crocker thought acting was her end goal. All of that changed with Continue. The film is based on Crocker’s own experiences and centers on Dean (Crocker), a young woman who attempts suicide in the beginning of the film. After Dean is admitted to a treatment center, she begins to meet people who guide her path to recovery. With Crocker in the director’s chair, having penned the script, and taking on the lead role, Continue is a deeply personal project. One that she, and everyone involved, poured their heart and souls into. More than a film, Continue is a conversation starter about the way we talk about mental health with our friends, family, and strangers. With her film, Crocker wants to encourage a new wave of bravery when it comes to feelings.
Nadine Crocker sat down with sat down with Film Obsessive’s Tina Kakadelis to talk about her upcoming film, Continue. The transcript has been edited for clarity and space.
Film Obsessive: You are a mental health advocate and also a filmmaker. You’re probably well aware of the stigma of mental health and how it’s portrayed in in films. It’s kind of a shorthand for a tragic backstory of a character. How do you view the current landscape, and then what do you hope to change?
Nadine Crocker: I think that the landscape is changing, which is tremendously amazing good news. I fought tooth and nail to make this film and find it at home. I was definitely met with a lot of adversity. A lot of people who felt like the world wasn’t ready to talk about mental health, especially after the pandemic, which was crazy. I literally was told they want Ted Lasso, they don’t want your movie. I’m just like, but they can have Ted Lasso after they watch my movie. I think both have a place in the world, you know? Unfortunately, I said to them, I believe that this is an approaching pandemic of itself. The worst part is it’s going to be after there’s a lot more loss. Almost everyone in my circle has lost someone to death by suicide. I do think now the world is realizing, oh wow, if we don’t start talking about this, it’s going to get worse, you know? I think they’re really open to the conversation now. Is it as open as I want it to be? No, but that is why I made this film and this is why I’m shouting from the rooftops every opportunity I get how important this is.
The entire reason I made this film is because when you’re in it, when you’re in that darkness, you don’t feel like there’s anyone else that feels that way. Especially because most of the time they’re probably not talking about it. You feel like a burden to your family. You feel like something is really wrong with you. No one else is this way, why am I this way? Even just statistically, there’s more of us struggling with mental illness than those who aren’t. What’s really crazy is I didn’t even know being an addict and being sober nine years that an addiction is mental health. I was like, oh, I have everything in mental health. I check the boxes, you know? (laughs) There are so many of us out there and that is why I created this film.
Where I would like to see it go is everybody talking about it and making a movement of people explaining how they are today. One of the biggest things for me is our health care system. It’s so expensive to afford any mental health services. That’s why I created my nonprofit, Continue On, to help people get the mental health services they need. If I can’t afford this as a 35 year old woman, what what what are the youth supposed to do? They have one of the highest rates of death by suicide.
Another huge one for me is that we need to start teaching in schools about mental health. We teach you about your body, we teach you about sex, we teach you that you’re going to get a period. We don’t teach you anything about what to do with the emotions that are going to come with that puberty or what’s going to come when you get that period and all of the the changes we go through in our youth. I mean, my 20s were a mess and I wish someone would have been like, hey, let me help you out. Let me tell you what you’re about to go through. I think we need to start setting people up with the life skills that they’re gonna need. That we all need. I don’t care who you are. You will had a day where you’re sad and where you just don’t want to go see your friends. Or you don’t want to leave your house because it just feels like a lot.
What you said about not having access to mental health resources really hit me. I had so much trouble getting my anxiety medicine filled after moving to a new state and getting a new insurance. Absolutely crazy. I understand your fight completely. Continue is a very personal story to you. It is based on your own experiences. When did you feel like you were comfortable enough to turn those experiences into art? While making the film, how did you protect your mental health from going back to those dark experiences you were reliving?
Honestly, how it started was many, many years later. I was in an acting class and I was starting to really want to write. Writing is like such a huge part of my life now. It was something that I never knew I needed. Now I’m like, oh my God, how did you ever live without it? I was just starting to dabble with finding my voice and I would write scenes from my life that are in the movie now. I would put them up in class and when the class would finish, everyone would come up to me and they’d start telling me, this is my story. Or they’re literally in tears and asking if I’d write scenes for them or if they can be in the scenes with me. I just had this huge realization like, holy shit, this could be a vessel. This could be a way to help people. Maybe if I put all my pain and my experiences out there, it’ll get other people to do that too. That’s exactly what it did. I go to screenings now and people line up to talk to me. They’re telling me things maybe they’ve never told anyone in their life. I’m just standing there and we’re crying together. I’m holding space and I’m like, this is why I did this. Maybe they leave here, they call someone in their life, and do the same thing. I wanted to spark a conversation. I started to realize that the only way I could do that was being really, really brave and putting my life, my pain, and my experiences out there.
The real answer to part two of your question is that I have such an amazing support system around me that I knew I was going to be safe. I have a lot of people who love me and who wouldn’t let me get lost in that darkness again. Everywhere around me, I had incredible human beings and collaborators who had joined on this mission. I would pray before every time we said action that whatever I did in that scene, whatever was about to come forth, let me be the vessel for whoever needs to see this. I find when you make things about being of service and about other people, you you leave the experience actually feeling, brighter, and stronger rather than depleted.
I also have so many different tools in my toolbox that I did not have when I was 23. It takes finding the tools and having the bravery to put yourself out there. I have an army to keep me mentally healthy. I have a meditation coach, a life coach, a therapist, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist, and a personal trainer. It’s expensive! But I’m like, I’ve got to stay healthy, you know? It takes an army and it takes being honest with yourself. When I see it happening now, I immediately will go to a meeting because I’m nine years sober. Or, I will immediately be of service or get outside of myself or do opposite of what my brain says. A lot of times my brain will be like, you’re alone, no one cares, and it gets really loud. Now I’m like, oh, well, that’s bullshit, because I can text five people right now who I know will show up for me right now if I needed them. Sometimes I do. I’m like, hey, can we have a session or can you go on a walk with me? I mean, you guys, if you’re struggling, get outside, breathe, get physically active, and sweat. It gets you in the present and it has changed my life.
I completely agree. I’ve always been a tennis player, but dropped it in my 20s because as you said, the 20s are awful. I just recently got back into it. It is incredible what fresh air and exercise can do. Aside from also starring in the film, you wrote and directed it. This is your feature film debut, if I’m not mistaken. What was that feeling like of having this entire crew of actors, lighting department, etc. looking to you for answers? How did you feel about taking on this monumental task?
I felt good! I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to do. I was like, girlboss! (laughs) Maybe I wouldn’t have felt that way if I didn’t get blessed in every single way with the best collaborators around me. Every single person who found their way to the film was divinely given to me. They all had a tie to mental health or suicide. It was so personal to everyone and so it was really an army and a family. Last night was the premiere and we were talking to all of the cast or the people who were a part of it. The word that kept coming forth was family. We were a family. It’s an experience I’ve never felt on any other set. Truly, I think because it was so much more than just making a movie, it was really, really personal. I think that’s what you can feel in the movie. It’s like not a single one of us wasn’t showing up 100%, even though we were exhausted, especially me. It’s like, oh, let me simulate being drunk and let me cry my eyes out. Then, let’s also stay here for 16 hours and let me get there two hours early tomorrow. It was a lot. But I always say that I found my purpose on this planet. Writing and directing is now primarily my life.
I actually haven’t acted since Continue. I’m only writing and directing now, which is such a surreal thing. We have such grand plans and then the universe is like, ha ha, you thought you had it figured out.
Definitely! Congrats on the premiere last night, too. That’s awesome. I want to ask about the the ending without spoiling it. It’s hard to call it a twist, but it’s kind of an unexpected direction that you go. Is there anything that you can talk about without spoiling it for those who haven’t gotten to see it yet?
It was the first thing I had before anything else. I started at the ending and I worked my way back. I knew my purpose and how I end the film is my message. I want people to be here tomorrow. You have absolutely no idea how many paths your life will alter by not being there. All the people we love and who love us, we change their path forever. All the people we will never meet. We change their path forever. I want everyone to stay.
I had to fight for that ending. Hollywood really doesn’t like to talk about mental health, but they really don’t like when some new filmmaker wants to break all kinds of rules. I’m like, hello! This is how we found all of the best filmmakers. In different times, we loved original stories and we loved rule breakers. Now we’re like, no, no, no, we need commercial, we need rules. We have a box and you go in that. I was like, I’m not going in that box, I’m not changing the goddamn thing. I know what this film is and I know what this message is. I stuck to my guns. I had to invest my life savings rates and I had to do it in a very homegrown way.
What’s really funny is like, most people are like, I can’t even imagine if you didn’t have that ending. I always try not to spoil the ending and my producers get so mad at me. I want to tell everyone everything. I will say, though, I don’t think the people who are struggling would relate to the pretty girl that gets everything. That that life is perfect after that attempt and the truth is that when you’re in it, a happy ending doesn’t feel possible. It really doesn’t. It doesn’t feel like tomorrow is even possible sometimes, you know?
That’s why I made this film. To show them that tomorrow, everything could change. If 23 year old me saw the ending that everyone wanted, I would have been like, oh fuck that. You had me and you lost me, you know? I’m making this for 23 year old me and 35 year old me. I still struggle. I had to risk that there might be some people that were really angry with me. And I was like, good. I hope they tell all their friends how mad they are at me. I hope they fucking talk about it.
Thank you so much, Nadine, and congratulations again. I hope that this film reaches everyone who needs to see it gets to see it.
Thank you. Thank you so much. And thank you for watching. Thank you. Absolutely. You have a great day.
Continue will be in Theaters, On Digital, and On Demand September 6, 2024.
