J Paul Johnson
For director Ryan Ashley Lowery, his new documentary Light Up is what he calls “a love letter to myself, the LGBTQ+ community and anyone struggling to live their full truth.” It’s a film with a clear and unambiguous intention: to “light up,” so to speak, a pathway for people like him—among them Benjamin Carlton, one of the film’s featured subjects—to embrace and love themselves. That’s something necessary and important in a world that too often demonizes and misgenders LGBTQ+ people.
Lowery’s documentary is focused on telling the stories of a spectrum of Black cisgender queer men and transgender women, focusing on five subjects—Carlton, Octavius Terry, Simone Tisci, Obio Jones, and Derek Jae. Set loosely in and around Atlanta’s fashion week, Light Up conveys the lived experiences of its five subjects through a series of interviews. It recently appeared at the 2024 Out on Film Festival in Atlanta.
Lowery is the film’s director and CEO and founder of Ryan Ashley Productions. Having built an impressive portfolio as a model, actor, and content, he has worked with prominent brands such as Walmart, Coca Cola, and Target and is currently pursuing a doctoral degree at the University of Georgia. Carlton is an actor, activist, and author of I’m Black, I’m a Minister, and I’m Gay. He has appeared on various major media platforms including ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, TEDx, and has been featured in publications such as The Huffington Post and Vogue. The two recently spoke with Film Obsessive’s J Paul Johnson about the Light Up documentary and their advocacy more broadly. The transcript has been edited for space and clarity.
Film Obsessive: Let me welcome you both. I’m eager to talk about your film Light Up. Ryan, can I let you describe it in your own words?
Ryan Ashley Lowery: The film really is about lighting up the world. But before you get to the light, often there’s darkness. So it studies the lives of five people part of the Black queer community, how they moved from hiding themselves to living in the truth, as they lived in the truth, things really began to open up for them. Doors open up for them, and the light really began to shine even brighter. So it’s about overcoming adversity. And sometimes your adversities can be your greatest teacher. And as you overcome those adversities, and you really fight through them, then on the other side of that is a rainbow, it’s light it’s a bright light.
So it’s really something that I created to help young queer people that may be in a rural area, or maybe they don’t have role models that have, like a diverse set of Black queer people to look up to, as well as oftentimes when I go out in certain spaces, there could be a lot of sadness, and sometimes I feel a sense of trauma. And so in certain queer spaces. So really, this film was created to promote healing. We talk a lot about spirituality. We talk a lot about therapy regarding this film and just overcoming those difficult moments living in a world where they tell you who you are is wrong. In certain spaces can be challenging.
Film Obsessive: I think that is something that not only young Black queer people but even old straight cis white guys like me can benefit from hearing. I live in Wisconsin, and right now there is an influx of ads on television for political candidates that want to demonize trans individuals in particular and use them as a political tool in their maneuvering. And I fear sometimes that those are the only images of queer people that some youth in my state are going to see.
Ryan Ashley Lowery: Yeah, absolutely. That’s part of the demographic that we want to reach is not just the people in the cities, but those people who happen to be in Wisconsin who may not have the opportunity to be exposed to queer people in their community, to be able to see a documentary like Light Up and see somebody as a reflection of who they are, is very important. As I grew up, I didn’t often see that. I came from a small town Gastonia, North Carolina, about 30 minutes outside of Charlotte, and I didn’t really have Black queer representation in my community or at least I was unaware. They may have been there, but I didn’t know. So to see these Black queer people stating on film, talking about their sexuality and being and being grateful and being grateful for who they are is really awesome to see.
It really is. Ben, you’re one of five primary subjects in this film. Can I have you talk a little bit about how you came to the project and what your story is in the film Light Up?
Benjamin Carlton: Yeah. So at age 30, I came out in an article on The Root.com entitled “I’m Black, I’m a minister, and I’m gay,” and I came out in my ministerial attire. That was the picture used for the article. And it immediately went viral and I was thrusted onto the national stage. And it was a moment in life that I never prepared for. Never did I thought I would ever come out the closet, number one. And number two, to do it as a man of faith, really sparked a lot of conversation, good and bad around the world. I was doing interviews for news stations in Africa, in Europe, in Australia.
And so my story got out and well, Ryan and I are social media friends, and I guess my story was a perfect alignment of how I fought through religious dogma, fought condemning texts and scripture to really not only be my authentic self, but also hold on to the faith that was used to demean my humanity.
I’d like to ask you, too, how has your life changed and how has your work changed since that moment of coming out publicly?
Benjamin Carlton: Life changed tremendously. I lost a lot of friends, but gained a whole host of new friends. I begin to see people outside of the condemnation and judgment view that I was indoctrinated into in the Christian community as a minister. And so when you look at the world with less judgy eyes, when you look at the world and mind your own business, as Tim Walz famously says, you begin to experience life differently. You have more grace, compassion, empathy for other stories. You know, you never know what people have gone through, where they come from, what made them who they are.
I always say, when people would ask when I first came out, what happened to you, were you touched badly in any way? I’m like, No, I was born this way. You know, when the doctor slapped me, I said, do it again. Like, I was born gay. Nobody made me gay. Nothing horrific happened in my life. I had to be told to stop being gay. I kissed one of my guy friends in kindergarten and the whole class erupted with oh, you’re nasty. I’m like, what did I do? I’m doing what you just did with her. I don’t understand the difference.
And so, to be able to now live a life without shame, to live a life in the light gives you a different appreciation for the little bit of time that we have left on Earth. And, as Ryan knows, I have been going to and fro, living here and there, making up for all the lost time.
And doing a lot of advocacy work, too, as well, right?
Benjamin Carlton: Absolutely. In addition to being thrusted onto the national stage, I was a new young voice, and so a lot of movements wanted the same energy that I was given to other causes Black rights issues, et cetera to now get the LGBTQ right space. And so I spent time advocating to local authorities, state authorities, federal authorities, leading marches and rallies around the country, speaking up for the youth of the LGBTQ space, because I believe that if somebody was there to speak for me, if somebody was there to say, Hey, you’re not a mistake, you’re not an abomination, who you are is perfectly good in the sight of the divine.
You know, I think I would have experienced this joy and freedom that I am experiencing much earlier. I always tell folks that it’s really shameful that you could almost be anything, especially in the Black community, and your family would still be loving and accepting. But be homosexual or in the LGBTQ space, And they’re throwing you out of the house. Most of the homeless youth in our country are thrown out because they’re in the LGBTQ space. Forty percent of homeless youth have been thrown out, not runaway, have been thrown out of their homes, because they are in the LGBTQ spaces, and they end up in shelters, or in sex work, are in survival mode. And that is no way to treat someone because they are different.
So I’m working. I started STAN for LOVE, which is all about elevating the Black queer experience, because the only way to overcome your ignorance is to experience me outside of the mainstream versions of LGBTQ that you see in movies that politicians use. Most times I don’t lead with I’m gay. I’ll be doing a speech, giving a talk, doing some work, and then it’ll come out, and people are like, It’s impossible. I don’t like gay people, but I really like you. I sat and made you laugh for the last hour, and now you find out I’m gay, and it’s like, Well, wait a minute, you know, or I’ve counseled you as a minister, and you’re crying. I’m helping you out. And then you found out I’m gay.
It’s like, everything that you thought I couldn’t do, I just did. I made you laugh, I made you comfortable. I prayed for you. I consoled you. And guess what? I’m gay. And nothing about that changes what the experience we just had. So I’m working to create experiences so that people can overcome their ignorance.
It’s really impressive and necessary work, and I can only imagine how great you are at it, Ben. I could listen to you talk all day. So Ryan, Ben is one of five central subjects in your film. What do you see that they have in common that they’re bringing to this narrative?
Ryan Ashley Lowery: For one, I wanted to have a diverse set of people within the same gender loving male communities as well as the queer community. So I wanted to have a Black masculine man, I want to have non-gender-conforming man in terms of Derek Jae, a Black trans woman. I wanted to have some level of diversity, but the commonality that you see through all of them is they had some struggle with their identity, with their sexuality and that in really committing to living in the truth and finding community and finding people around them to support them. They were able to really light up the world by just living an authentic truth.
Another commonality is religion. The story of spirituality. A lot of them have gone away from religion only to come back to religion, and to come back to religion in terms of having a personal relationship with God and move more towards spirituality. So you see a number of the subjects from Obo to Ben to Derek Jae—they move away, then they move back to a stronger relationship with God because it’s a personal relationship, not just based on dogma, not just based on what the church has taught them.
You’re really working in your film to draw out of people’s very primal, shaping experiences from their youth. I’m wondering what you need to do as a documentarian, to be able to create an ambiance of trust in your filmmaking, to be able to draw that out of them.
Ryan Ashley Lowery: I think first is, a number of the subjects they were actually friends. So we already had a comfort level. And those subjects that were not friends, I made sure that I reached out to them. We had deep conversations. I really got to know them on a personal level so they could be comfortable with sharing their stories with Light Up. And then another tactic that I did is, they started out with more lighter interviews, lighthearted interviews, and then we progressed more towards the serious topics. So I think that helped them get a level of confidence. And then also very important to have certain type of cast and crew within the space that would give a great energy.
So when you walk in, you feel comfortable, you feel love, you feel safe to share your story. So it’s not just about the people in front of the camera, it’s the people that I chose behind the camera. I was very intentional about the energy that these people had. The main interviewer, Maurice Eckstein. He exudes that energy that you could be vulnerable around him, that this is a safe space. And so I was very intentional about the people not only created the show and the interviewers and interviews, but everyone involved in Light Up.
And so are you envisioning this as something that’s continuing on in different forms?
Ryan Ashley Lowery: Yeah, we’ve interviewed over 20 people, a part of the Black queer experience in in Atlanta. And these were just five of the amazing stories. We also have stories of an emergency medical doctor, former NFL player, a barber shop owner, and so a plethora of different stories. And so the goal is to use this film to introduce the world to light up the docuseries, and then hopefully get the docuseries distributed widely.
And in the meantime, your film premiered at the 2024 Bronze Lands Film Festival. Are there other places on the horizon where audiences will be able to see it soon?
Ryan Ashley Lowery: So we just screened at the Out on Film Festival in Atlanta last week. Very successful. Got a terrific response. And so right now we’ve submitted to a number of other film festivals. So we’re waiting to hear back. So those film festivals in LA, New York, DC. So we’ll see what happens. So I can imagine that, it’s coming to a place close by to the viewers at some point.
I really hope so. I enjoyed your film immensely. I feel personally heartened to be able to hear your story, Ben, and that of the other subjects that you profile in your film, Ryan.
Ryan Ashley Lowery: This is just not a film for LGBTQ people. It’s a film for everybody. And I was intentional about not making it political, but making it a human story, where you can develop empathy. We all have struggled in some way to live our full truth, whether our parents said we should be a doctor or we should go to this school or we should play sports, whatever it is, we all have in some way struggled with really being our for selves.
And so this is really a human experience. These subjects happen to struggle with their sexuality. It’s no different than someone else struggling with like, I really want to wear my hair this way. I really want to wear my clothes a style. I really I really just want to be a dancer. I I don’t want to be a doctor. It’s really a human experience and we’re hoping to develop empathy for people in the queer community by showing the commonality. And also just encouraging everybody just to live in a full truth no matter what it is.
Benjamin Carlton: One of the things I strongly believe is that until you bring your full self to the table, the universe can’t give you everything that belongs to you because it doesn’t recognize you. And so a lot of times we’re lacking or missing or longing for something that’s on the other side of our truth. And we worry about what’s on the other side of that truth. And my motto is that the truth, one, will set you free, but the truth will align set in motion whatever it’s supposed to be.
If you being your authentic self makes this community mad, then that’s the truth, let them be mad. But you don’t stop living just because they’re going to be mad. If you living in your truth causes you to change your career, then that’s the truth, change your career. If you living in your truth causes you to separate from your parents, then that’s what it’s going to have to take because we only have a little bit of time on Earth.
And my mother and I did not agree with my choices. And I said, Well, Mom, you lived your life, and now I have to live mine. And hopefully one day you can come back and see that the son that you raised you should be proud of. And I had to give her time because I had 30 years to contemplate whether I was going to come out or not. I gave her two minutes to accept this new vision for me that interrupted her vision for me. She wanted me married to a woman with kids and a house and picket fences, and I didn’t. And so now I had to give her time to accept that. So I always say, the truth will set you free, and the truth will set in motion whatever’s supposed to be—and live in that.
Thank you, Ben. And thank you, Ryan. I appreciate the time you’ve given to us at Film Obsessive. I wish you the very best of luck with Light Up as it goes forward, first as a documentary feature film, and then also as a docuseries later on. Good luck.
Ryan Ashley Lowery: Thank you.
Benjamin Carlton: Thank you.
