Anaconda Can’t Quite Crush It

Anaconda wraps tight around a dying horse. It then constricts to squeeze out every drop of entertainment possible. While there’s more to enjoy than one may expect, the movie offers little to make itself special other than metafiction pretentions. Yet, Anaconda is a solid way to satisfy the hunger for something engaging, while avoiding several pitfalls of nostalgia bait.

Doug McCallister (Jack Black) is an aspiring director who settled for making wedding videos instead of Hollywood blockbusters. As a kid, he and his close friends made VHS movies while fantasizing about doing feature films. Dreams of Hollywood eventually got left behind as each settled into the demands of adulthood. The only one still chasing old ambitions is Griff (Paul Rudd), a two-line extra with no real acting future. When he returns home for a visit, he rekindles everyone’s snuffed aspirations by informing them he has the rights to the 1997 adventure horror cult classic Anaconda.

What transpires is a meta-reboot about people in a midlife crisis trying to find joy in life again. As such, thematically, Anaconda explores the best aspect of nostalgia: the way it reminds people what gave them satisfaction in the past. This rejuvenating potential is part of what makes such features tempting even when junk food. Anaconda is at its strongest when examining this theme in the context of its characters.

The horror comedy aspect often takes a backseat to that notion for most of the movie. Sometimes it seems like the filmmakers needed an occasional reminder that this is a mirthful motion picture about a giant snake. The resulting uneven tone is a persistent weakness in the script by Kevin Etten and Tom Gormican. The movie oscillates between midlife dramedy, looney meta-spoof, and horror comedy.

Anaconda hits several themes without ever really exploring them. The film feels like someone reached into the big bag of generic plot points, flung them like magnets at a fridge door, then connected dots based on what stuck. The issue being that instead of developing ideas the narrative simply refers to circumstances like a second chance at love before moving on to the next moment.

Exacerbating this problem is how thin characters come across. There’s next to nothing about Claire Simons, played by Thandiwe Newton (Mufasa: The Lion King), who, despite being a best friend in the group, is given wisps of generic backstory. Although this provides her miles more depth than the role filled by Steve Zahn (Eenie Meanie), who is nothing more than a punchline — the downside is there’s never really a sense these people are all intimately connected by anything.

The whole premise is that remaking Anaconda is in some way a passion project for the group that will revitalize their sad empty lives. Yet, they barely have any chemistry with one another. They seem more like a social media group who have met up for the first time in real life rather than best friends.

Lots of the comedy in Anaconda relies on metafiction. As such, the movie aspires to be a criticism of the movie industry’s tendency to overly recycle old ideas. However, the cloak of irony it tries to wear never entirely conceals the fact Anaconda is as guilty of the sins it mocks. Still, it would be wrong to suggest the gags aren’t humorous.

Plenty of the picture inspires well-earned laughs. Anaconda does a great job of setting up some hilarious moments. Properly absurd situations abound that often feel organic to circumstances. Anaconda rarely tries to shoehorn jokes in which don’t fit events or dialogue. Even at its most meta, the movie interacts with elements of the story as opposed to making outrageous fourth wall breaks.

Jack Black delivers his usual superfluous exuberance. It often works here because of the context Anaconda establishes. His comedy style of buffoonery — cartoonishly huge facial expressions, shouting for no apparent reason, etc. — is presented as moments of enthusiasm from a person who is otherwise depressed. In essence, Black’s heightened delivery is treated as a punchline early on and typically recurs when the character is feeling excited about events making such displays a sign of him regaining joy. They also fit whenever Anaconda shifts towards horror.

Make no mistake, this movie includes some glorious squirm inducing snake moments. From closeups to jump scare lunges, the creature feature element is solidly done. As things go from bad to worse, director Tom Gormican does an impressive job adding to anticipation with teasing glimpses of the monstrous serpent.

While Black and Paul Rudd (Death of a Unicorn) are at the film’s center, Anaconda is carried by a solid cast. Steve Zahn is perfect for a comic relief role; rehashing variations of a character he’s played several times before in pictures such as Strange Wilderness (2008). Thandiwe Newton is fine but often seems like she’s waiting for someone to give her a line since she’s provided too little to do on screen except stand there reacting. It’s tempting to say something similar about Daniela Melchior (Suicide Squad), however, her part manages to propel the plot forward. Brazilian performer Selton Mello (The Mechanism) provides a bizarre snake handler named Santiago who adds a wonderful degree of absurdity as well as comedic creepiness to the film. Not to be outdone, Paul Rudd turns in a charismatic performance that does a lot of heavy lifting only a comedy veteran with a talent for drama could pull off.

The shame is that Anaconda is an entertaining movie that never gets beyond the mid-tier. It has an ideal cast who wholeheartedly throw themselves into a thin script that never knows for sure what it wants to be. The movie is cartoonish then serious before horror comedy briefly becomes outright creature feature, all the while trying to be biting meta-commentary.

Still, Anaconda generates some satisfying laughs and fun fearful flinches which’ll ideally kill boredom one night. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be entertaining. This is a decent beer and a pizza movie.